


P3-RCY-5130 (Or, Devildom: Become Squidbot)

by SlimeAndSnails



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Asexual Character, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Innuendo, M/M, Non-humanoid character, Not a Crossover, Please read them carefully, Robot Feels, Secret Identity, This Is Not An AU, This is a love letter to OCs who get re-used for fandoms they weren't originally created for, and while it is quite an egregious and played up example, authors notes are extremely important, i love my bot with all my heart, let us get to the serious tags shall we?, lots of oil, those two things are not related, yes - Freeform, yet - Freeform, you read that correctly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25911268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlimeAndSnails/pseuds/SlimeAndSnails
Summary: Unit Type: MedusaUnit Designation: P3-RCY-5130Unit Codename: Percy WoodMission summary: Infiltrate Universe SWD-OM and determine the threat level of celestial life-forms, henceforth referred to as Species CLFa and CLFb (see Mission Briefing; Page 1 subsection 3a) to SPECTRUM. Subterfuge crucial, CLFb must not be allowed to know P3-RCY-5130’s true identity unless the threat level is determined to be Violet or lower.Would you like to finish the boot-up procedure?>Yes.-No.Boot-up procedure success!Initializing....“Welcome to the Devildom, Mister Wood.”
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Snaddy's desperate need to post stupid shit/Snaddy's needlessly complex thought processes, The 7 demon brothers/a squiddy boy
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	1. Arc 1 - Settling In - Day 1 - Awakening

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Organic Percy - Someone who helped bring this silliness to life](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Organic+Percy+-+Someone+who+helped+bring+this+silliness+to+life).



> I have been working on this for some time, alongside my other projects. I've not gotten even a small portion of it finished.  
> However, since today is the birthday of a friend of mine (ALSO named Percy) who has truly helped bring our lovely Percy to life with his wonderful ideas and tolerating me being a huge nerd about this ridiculous concept, I decided to upload the completed parts today. Don't worry, he was up for the idea. Happy birthday, Flesh Percy! Thank you so much for helping this become a reality, even if no one asked for it and it's largely self-indulgent.

## Day 1

_Rebooting._

_._

_._

_._

_Startup complete._

_Unit Type: Medusa_

_Unit Designation: P3-RCY-5130_

_Unit Codename: Percy Wood_

_Mission summary: Infiltrate Universe SWD-OM and determine the threat level of celestial life-forms, henceforth referred to as Species CLFa and CLFb (see Mission Briefing; Page 1 subsection 3a) to SPECTRUM. Subterfuge crucial, CLFb must not be allowed to know P3-RCY-5130’s true identity unless the threat level is determined to be Violet or lower._

_Equipment: Standard self-defense pack [1], advanced limb attachment pack [1] (see Mission Briefing; Page 3 subsection 10b for gear description), Medusa Repair Kit [5], FACE disguise kit [5] (see Mission Briefing; Page 3 subsection 10d for disguise selection instructions), SPECTRUM Uniform Coat (1), SPECTRUM Uniform Hat_

_WARNING! Malfunction detected in Lubrication Management Array. Analyzing._

_._

_._

_._

_Malfunction resolved._

_Would you like to connect to the local internet?_

_ >Yes. _

_-No._

_Connection Success!_

_Would you like to finish the boot-up procedure?_

_ >Yes. _

_-No._

_Boot-up procedure success!_

_Initializing._

_._

_._

_._

“Welcome to the Devildom, Mister Wood.”

* * *

**Realtime Reporting Active.**

I have arrived in Universe SWD-OM safely. System reboot was required due to energy spike during multiverse travel, but no software or hardware damage reported.

Celestial Life-Form b1A (Given name currently unknown, suspected to be Lord Diavolo) is addressing me by name. Recording dialogue.

.

.

.

CLFb 1A: Welcome to the De̡vi̡ld̢o̢m͞.͜, Mr. Wood. ...Oh, pardon me. Feeling a bit shocked, are we? Well, that’s understandable. You’ve only just arrived, after all. As a hum̡an, it will probably take a little while for you to adjust to things here in the Dęviļd͏om͢.

P3-RCY-5130: The D͡e͟v̷͡i̡͡l͘d̷ǫm̡.͘?

CLFb 1A: Yes, exactly, the D̸͡҉e̵̵͏v͝҉̶̧i̢̕͢l̡̧͠d͏̷o͢m̡͡.̴̧̕͜͜I̕͞ ̨̕6̴͝͡6͠͏̴6̸͞͝ ̸̸̧ţ̸̨͠h̨͡͝a̵͏t̷̶̕͟ ̢͜͜y̶͡͡o͏̷̢͢ǫ̛u̶͏̴o͘҉̵̴̨ư҉̧͘͜o̧͜͡u̴̡̨o̴̕͜u̸͏҉ ͟͡c҉̶̴c̕͜c̢̛͡͠c͢͟͞c͡͞c̢͡c͘͡c̷̨a̷̢͜t̡͟c̸̴h̷̛͡ ̴̡͟͟͡o͏̛҉n̵̕͘͢ ͡҉̶̡q͏̶̵̶7͏̨̢̛d̵̵s̸̢g͘͟u̸̢͞͝į̵̷̧c̶k̸̸̡͜l̵͘̕͜y̡͠.̢͘ ̸̢E̵̢͘͜x̴̕a͟҉h̸̕a͘͝͏̵d͜͠ç̶͢e҉̡͘͢͏l̛̕͟͠l̡̛͞ḑ̸f̵̴̷͞h̷̵͜͠a̶̛e̡̢͠͠n̴t̡̡͢҉.̢̕͢͢,̛s̷̷͘͜a̷̕̕͝3͜͜͝5̛͟͡͞͡2̕̕͢5҉2̵̷̧1͞

**Error. Realtime Reporting malfunction. Please refer to Mission Briefing; Page 10 subsection 2b for instructions on how to file a report manually.**

.

.

.

Mission Briefing

Page 10

Section 2: Report Methods

A: Realtime Reporting is an intra-universal data transfer function that allows for communication between Artificial Intelligence Units (AIU) such as Medusae to send information between SPECTRUM HQ and their current location near instantly. RR works in most sections of the multiverse, but in the event of a reboot this function’s intra-universal connection may be interrupted.

B: In the event of RR malfunction, please file EMail reports manually via compressed memory recording (.cmr file) once per local week.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The protagonist here is what’s known as a Medusa, from the tabletop roleplaying game PROJECT (which is INSANELY cool btw, please check it out if you can), published by Postmortem Studios. He’s a player character I made while playing a heavily modified PROJECT game in which he and his team were agents who went into alternate universes for various missions, usually things like getting intel or assisting in battles, that kind of thing. SPECTRUM is the name of the campaign we played, so I’ve turned it into the specific group he works for currently.  
> This whole thing came about due to me and a friend (not Flesh Percy, oddly enough) joking about OCs who do not necessarily fit the narrative that they’re being put into, such as an OC playing the role of the main character in Obey Me! but not being human or OCs from other games being used as the main character in another game. This is both a love letter to those OCs and a parody. But it’s also me playing it completely straight because I think a completely alien perspective from a proper blank-slate character might be interesting.  
> One of the joys of playing a Medusa is that they come into the story completely fresh-faced and learn the ways of the world and form an identity over time. But... I fudged some history and world-building within Percy’s home universe(s) a little bit here to keep some of the more hilarious qualities I built into his character while still keeping that trait. You’ll see what I mean.  
> The writing is going to be a bit clunky until Percy here settles into his new life in the Devildom. Don’t worry, it’ll smooth out and gain solidity as his mind does.  
> And then it’ll turn into pure shenanigans because you all know me and my writing. My squidbot boy is such an icon.  
> PROJECT is © Mark Whittington 2015.


	2. Arc 1 - Settling In - Day 1 - Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Medusae are the latest iteration in a long-running set of projects to develop a completely artificial operative.’ - PROJECT: Core Rules pg. 35

You couldn’t say that P3-RCY-5130’s eyes opened because that would be saying that it has eyes. Instead, it would be more appropriate to say that its boot-up screen cleared from its artificial vision, or that the small LEDs beneath a translucent section of its faceplate that act as a sort of facial expression function for the benefit of its organic allies lit up. Or if you were feeling particularly poetic and accepting of artificial intelligence as being conscious, you could say that Percy woke up.

Regardless of the potential personhood of our lovely metal protagonist, it became aware of its surroundings. Said surroundings being what appeared to be a sort of meeting room, with several Celestial Life-Forms (Species CLFb, known within this universe as Demons) surrounding it. Being a robot of very good upbringing and top-of-the-line programming, it cataloged every detail about this room within less than half a second of gaining awareness.

Including the very tall humanoid man in front of it, who begins addressing it politely. P3-RCY-5130, still being a robot of a very good upbringing, calculates the most fitting responses based on the situation it is under the guise of being in.

A human brought to the Devildom for the exchange program posited by one Lord Diavolo. Any person in such a situation would be confused, perhaps even terrified. Of course, it was completely aware of the existence of Demons and the Devildom, having been given a very thorough mission briefing before being thrust through an interdimensional portal and dropped in the room it now occupies, quickly replacing the human that was there a moment before. Don’t worry, that human will be safe and sound within SPECTRUM HQ.

It is safe to assume that you are curious about the unit known colloquially as Percy. So let’s derail for a moment here, with a bit of background. After all, P3-RCY-5130 is a robot of especially well-written programming and nearly infinite intelligence, it doesn’t need to devote more than a fraction of a percent of its processing power to the conversation.

P3-RCY-5130 is a very good robot. It has been many things since it was taken out of the box and switched on for the first time, from a hacker to a laborer to a security enforcer. And even, briefly, it was a teacher’s aide. It still has a drawing done by a student that became very attached to it. But now it is a SPECTRUM agent, and its systems and subroutines and most of its personality were wiped clean and reset before it was determined by SPECTRUM that the Medusae produced by PROJECT are indeed considered quite sentient, and are even given full citizenship and rights.

Of course, that damage was still done, and P3-RCY-5130 is effectively factory fresh, barring a few holdover memories and habits. But it is still a very good robot. In all previous missions, it has been reported to have no less than a 92.4823% efficiency rating. Many of its previous allies and teammates have reported it to be nothing short of polite, friendly, and one of them even said it was cute. Although, said teammate was a very large mutated polar bear with a license to carry heavy weaponry and a penchant for Coca-Cola, so her standards might be a bit skewed.

P3-RCY-5130 is very intent on following its mission to the letter, both in the sense of carrying out the main goal of the mission and in the minutiae of maintaining its disguise. Within moments of being handed a quaint and primitive communication device for use in the Devildom, it has fully interfaced with the D.D.D.. Actually holding the thing up to its faceplate to speak with the Demon on the other end of the line is a formality for the sake of seeming human.

When the Demon who is introduced as Asmodeus attempts to use some sort of mind-altering ability on it, P3-RCY-5130 is completely unaffected. You cannot be encouraged to let out your lustful desires if you have none.

When Lucifer gives a simple rundown of the tasks required for P3-RCY-5130, it simply catalogs the information for later use. When Mammon leads it to the House of Lamentation, it goes along with what he says.

And when Mammon ditches it in the clutches of Leviathan, it decides that perhaps this pact thing isn’t such a terrible idea. After all, a  _ human _ certainly would want that sort of protection and leverage. And P3-RCY-5130 cannot reveal that it is a deadly robot with plenty of skill and experience and program to handle its own personal safety, even in the Devildom.

The only issue is that it does not truly have a soul. But that’s okay because it will not be offering one up.

The nature of organics and their need for material belongings is fascinating, isn’t it?


	3. Arc 1 - Settling In - Day 3 - Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘A Medusa’s body is made up of around fifty magnetic, metal coils attached to a faceplate superficially similar to a Borg’s head and mask. The faceplate houses the mind, senses, and main power unit for the Medusa. The coils can move independently or knot together to form body structures and shapes.’ -PROJECT: Core Rules pg. 1

Asmodeus is remarkably aware of what clothing is considered to be most aesthetically pleasing. P3-RCY-5130 finds this quite useful, as it imagines (for lack of a better term) that the SPECTRUM uniform is a bit ostentatious. And, according to Asmodeus (who insists upon simply being called Asmo, P3-RCY-5130 will have to make a note of that in its Personnel Data Bank) it simply  _ cannot _ go wandering around the Devildom in the RAD uniform at all times, and it  _ especially _ cannot go around in its… Pajamas.

It is not sure why the uniform jacket and hat it arrived in has been interpreted as pajamas. It is, however, not complaining. The inventory of gear it has been given is fairly spartan, particularly in the clothing department, and it would be more appropriate to have someone well-versed in the current fashion of this setting to determine what sort of apparel will help it to fit into the role it has been given.

There are still several problems with this. It needs to get back into the habit of making pro and con lists, really.

The first and most glaring problem is that it is not humanoid. In fact, it is quite far from humanoid, despite being able to mimic a four-limbed shape fairly well from a distance and with its coat. But really, it has never had to wear pants before. It is not quite sure how to cope. It takes an amount of time that would be embarrassing to anyone else to figure out the correct ratio of coiling mechanical tentacles to assign to each ‘limb’. Fortunately, it has perfect control over every single one of its numerous metal tendrils, so there is very little risk in accidentally ripping the clothing unless something drastic were to happen. Also very fortunate is the fact that it is inside a private dressing stall instead of out in the open. It does not think the disguise kit it had hastily applied when Asmodeus had knocked on its door this morning would take kindly to all of this shifting about and limb-splitting.

The second most glaring problem is that it somehow has developed a malfunction in the systems that regulate its lubrication production and viscosity. Very inconvenient. There is a small trail of thin black sludge following it everywhere, but no one seems to have noticed for now. It will have to run diagnostics later to determine what repairs are necessary.

The third most glaring problem is that the demon Asmodeus seems to be flirting with it. A lot. From softly spoken comments about its looks (which are misguided due to the fact that it has a mildly mind-altering field around it that makes it look mostly like a normal human, thanks to the provided disguise kits) to invitations to help it try on the clothing he selected (P3-RCY-5130 is not stupid, P3-RCY-5130 knows that this is an attempt to try and get close to it while naked.) to caressing its sleeve (which is analogous to nerve-wracking because P3-RCY-5130 knows that its tentacles feel nothing like the arms it has shaped them into) and hanging off of it.

It thinks it might have messed up somewhere when accepting the invitation to go clothes shopping.

Perhaps it was too enthusiastic. Asmodeus  _ did _ seem to take its quick response to be excitement rather than the simple truth of it processing the question in scant nanoseconds and miscalculating the appropriate response time.

Such is artificial life, it supposes.

It feels like it should perhaps stop sprawling dejectedly on the filthy dressing room floor and reshape itself to something vaguely resembling a primate before Asmodeus finally manages to break down the door. Which he is attempting to do by way of leaning on it and cooing P3-RCY-5130’s alias as seductively as he can afford while in public and surrounded by strangers who probably do not want to be taken in by his magnetically charming voice.

“Oh, Peeeercyyyyy~! You have to be done in there. Come on, let me see! I bet you look very handsome in those skinny jeans.”

P3-RCY-5130 makes a quiet mechanical sound that you and I would call a robo-sigh and pulls itself together (literally), shimmying back into the outfit it was given and opening the door. Grease stains the carpet beneath it, but Asmodeus doesn’t seem to notice in favor of giving P3-RCY-5130 a very intense once over and stepping around it to inspect the way the jeans and shirt cling to its body. Seeming satisfied, he gives P3-RCY-5130 a cheeky wink and pushes it out of the dressing room, snatching up the coat and hat.

“We’ll buy this, and grab a few more things in your size. I was right, those pants fit  _ perfectly _ ! I really am a fashion genius, aren’t I?” Asmodeus looks at P3-RCY-5130 expectantly, raising an eyebrow. When he gets no response, he frowns poutily. “I  _ said _ ‘I really am a fashion genius, aren’t I?’ Come on, give Asmo a little credit. I deserve it.”

“Oh. Yes. You are exceptionally skilled at determining what clothing is most aesthetically pleasing to the organic brains when placed on a person’s body.” Its tone is slightly off, it will have to tweak its voice modulation subroutines later.

Asmo grins, sliding an arm around what passes for P3-RCY-5130’s shoulders. “That’s right, and don’t you forget it! Now, I’ll grab you some more clothing. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it nice and innocent for you, Mister Wood.” He smirks at something P3-RCY-5130 does not understand and assumes to be some sort of private joke. ”Go over to the counter and let them scan those tags so you can go home in this. I don’t want to see those silly pajamas of yours out on the street ever again. Okay?”

P3-RCY-5130 nods, quickly determining the most efficient path to the register and walking (which is unfamiliar, usually it simply slithers and presses against certain areas of its coat to create the illusion of legs) over to it. The cashier stares at it before blinking and reaching over to scan the tags it holds up for her, blowing a large pink bubblegum bubble. It deems her opinion of it to be inconsequential to its alias and subsequently completely ignores her once its task is complete.

It takes Asmodeus precisely three minutes and 48.7395 seconds to arrive (impressive, it will have to study the movement speed of Species CLFb as compared to average human movement) with a pile of clothing large enough to fill a small dresser, and once everything is rung up and bagged he flounces out of the store with an air of satisfaction and an armful of bags. Before unceremoniously dumping half of them into P3-RCY-5130’s ‘arms’ so that he can pull out his D.D.D. and text Lucifer.

P3-RCY-5130 very casually uses its connection to the internet and telephone system to intercept and inspect the messages. It must maintain its alias, and that includes a little bit of snooping to make sure there is no suspicion.

  * A: Percy’s got some new clothes. He looks absolutely scrumptious in these skinny jeans.
  * A: [Attachment sent].
  * L: Excellent.
  * L: Please make sure he also has a uniform ready for school tomorrow.
  * A: Already on it.



With that, Asmodeus stuffs his D.D.D. back into his pocket and smiles at P3-RCY-5130. “Let’s get going. I grabbed some new nail polish while you were getting dressed and I want to try it out as soon as possible!”

P3-RCY-5130 remains silent for just a moment, before speaking up. “Thank you for the clothing. I will take good care of it.”

It rarely has its own possessions. Perhaps that will be changing soon.

Perhaps a lot of things will be changing soon.

But before then, it has to reprogram the disguise kits to reflect the new clothing it’s been given because these pants reduce its movement efficiency by 64.3% and that is an unacceptable loss.

It misses its trench coat already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Percy really has to remind himself that he's a machine. Interesting.


	4. Arc 1 - Settling In - Day 5 - Goldie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'The Medusa’s brain is modelled – somewhat – on a human nervous system with its higher functions processed in the dedicated CPU while ‘autonomic’ processing (reflexes, diagnostics and so on) are handled by sub processors.' -PROJECT Medusa book, pg 1, The Process

It does not take a genius to figure out that Lucifer stored Mammon’s credit card in the freezer. It also does not take a genius to figure out that  _ microwaving _ said card is a terrible idea. Leviathan tries to do it anyway, so Percy- I mean, P3-RCY-5130 just goes right on ahead and quickly checks the credit on said card in case it has to reimburse Mammon later.

It has really gotten too used to being called a name instead of a number.

Mammon seems to sense something is happening to his beloved credit card because he appears almost instantly and demands they remove it from the microwave. Having known it was a terrible idea from the start, P3-RCY-5130 quickly opens the microwave and grabs the card very carefully with the three-pronged grasping attachment it has gotten accustomed to wearing. Careful to only touch it with the insulated rubber pads to not accidentally demagnetize the card, P3-RCY-5130 watches the two demons in front of it argue. They do that a lot.

“And you, human! What’re ya thinking, lettin’ Levi use you like this? Are you stupid? Go on, say somethin’!” Mammon is very clearly trying to change the subject from his own greed.

P3-RCY-5130 takes a long look at the demon in front of it. Pros and cons.

Pros: Additional protection in the Devildom, the ability to order around an immensely powerful demon of greed, the chance to get closer to said powerful demon of greed in order to get information on the inner workings of the Devildom.

Cons: N/A

The right choice is obvious.

“Make a pact with me, Mammon.”

Mammon looks genuinely shocked, almost offended. He crosses his arms and glares at P3-RCY-5130 angrily. “Uh-uh, no way!” he practically shouts. Make that one con; he is very loud. “Not interested! I am the  _ Great Mammon, Avatar of Greed, one of the seven rulers of the Devildom! _ Fool, do you actually think I’d let some  **human** be the boss of me?”

Expected, really. Before P3-RCY-5130 can actually respond, Leviathan raises his voice and calls for Lucifer in a sing-song voice.

Mammon immediately plasters a huge grin on his face, backtracking. “I mean. Of  _ course _ , I’ll make a pact with you, human! I’d be thrilled to!”

As soon as the pact is formed, P3-RCY-5130’s vision is assaulted with multiple interface pop-ups informing it that there is damage being done to the base one of its central locomotion tentacles and that the nature of this damage is unknown. Suspected magical origin.

Oh, dear.

* * *

Later that night, P3-RCY-5130 escaped to its bedroom to check what damage had been done to it. Quickly detaching the injured tentacle but leaving it wirelessly connected so it can test all of the joints, it begins a routine inspection on it.

Only to find that a demonic sigil has been etched deeply into the base of it, burning through the paint and smooth glossy finish. It’s glowing a soft gold color and still smoking slightly. Other than that, no damage is present, so it simply logs the change and reattaches it.

* * *

“AHAHAHAHA!”

“Asmodeus, keep your voice down. If Mammon hears you, he’ll get upset again, and we won’t hear the end of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that a speck of identity I see there, Percy-boo?

**Author's Note:**

> The protagonist here is what’s known as a Medusa, from the tabletop roleplaying game PROJECT (which is INSANELY cool btw, please check it out if you can), published by Postmortem Studios. He’s a player character I made while playing a heavily modified PROJECT game in which he and his team were agents who went into alternate universes for various missions, usually things like getting intel or assisting in battles, that kind of thing. SPECTRUM is the name of the campaign we played, so I’ve turned it into the specific group he works for currently.  
> This whole thing came about due to me and a friend (not Flesh Percy, oddly enough) joking about OCs who do not necessarily fit the narrative that they’re being put into, such as an OC playing the role of the main character in Obey Me! but not being human or OCs from other games being used as the main character in another game. This is both a love letter to those OCs and a parody. But it’s also me playing it completely straight because I think a completely alien perspective from a proper blank-slate character might be interesting.  
> One of the joys of playing a Medusa is that they come into the story completely fresh-faced and learn the ways of the world and form an identity over time. But... I fudged some history and world-building within Percy’s home universe(s) a little bit here to keep some of the more hilarious qualities I built into his character while still keeping that trait. You’ll see what I mean.  
> The writing is going to be a bit clunky until Percy here settles into his new life in the Devildom. Don’t worry, it’ll smooth out and gain solidity as his mind does.  
> And then it’ll turn into pure shenanigans because you all know me and my writing. My squidbot boy is such an icon.  
> PROJECT is © Mark Whittington 2015.


End file.
